Thursday 19 January 2012


I actually feel a sense of relief today.
All these years of resistance.
All these years of seclusion.
All these years of avoidance.
To what end?  

To finally give in?

I joined Facebook today.
I am not the last one.  As if it even matters.
I feel uncomfortable admitting it.  To whom?  To myself.
It's not dirty or base.  There is no brand or stigma attached.
I am not anti-social, even though I have fancied myself as such.
Facebook is an embodiment of the past, but also the present and future.
In order to move forward I abandoned the past.
Because of regret.  Because of fear.
You cannot leave the past behind. 
The past is who you are.
But also who you become.

Even before Facebook, there were the ads to entice you to find your old schoolmates.  
I found that uncomfortable.
Not the idea of hooking up with old friends.
I just imagined myself escaping the present by wallowing in the simpler times when life was brilliant and new.
Especially when I felt lonely, I wanted to reach out.
Grasping for life lived is a cruel act of futility.
So I didn't reach out.

I found what I needed without Facebook.
I did it.  I resisted, never giving in.
Forging ahead with life, without being tethered to a world without context.

Not that I didn't think about old friends.
Good friends.
Lost friends.
Friends with a common history.
Shared experiences.
Love and Trust without condition.
Forgiveness without concession.

I still wonder about my old friends.
I still love my friends from the past.
Why would I forsake that for selfish pride?

And so I find myself reaching out.  Not because I am lonely.
We are reaching out for community.
I am learning the precious value of people joining together for the benefit of all.
We draw strength by complementing each other's weakness.

As I peer into Facebook for the first time, I am amazed.
I am amazed at everyone who is there.
I am amazed that in one day I have connected with so many people.
                                 I am amazed that I foolishly rejected it.


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